Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
