OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
