i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
