I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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