Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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