im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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