I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
kristin has been a bad kristin
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
