dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
