My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
