Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
