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Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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