His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
