please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
