That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
