We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i will never coherently bang her
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
