I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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