If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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