I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
