What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
