I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
babies were throwing up all over the place
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
