Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
