Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
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