my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
