found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
