I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
