So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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