i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
