im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize