easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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