Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
