I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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