All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
