I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
