Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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