You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
