Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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