Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
