If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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