evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
