I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
