I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
