You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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