Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
