But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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