I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
