bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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