He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You need Xanax blowdarts
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
