If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
