So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
