An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Can I color on your dick again?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
