K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
