dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
