Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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