Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
