She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
