Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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