HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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