i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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