We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
