I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
