I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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