everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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