I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
