He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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