Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We had sex on a dog bed..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
false alarm, still single
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
